The Huffy rhymes with Duffy, probably because it sucks.

No offense to Patrick Duffy, but the Huffy kind of reminds me of him. It’s the bike that really seems to be over the whole scene, like it wants out of its contract and is willing to get shot at the end of season 7. Alas, the writers over at Huffy Bikes keep on premiering new season’s with “it was all a dream and the Huffy is in the shower…naked.”

Search for Huffy Bikes on Google. The official Huffy website is the first result on top of the list, the search description: Makers of mass-market Road, Mountain, and BMX Bicycles. Huh…OK. It’s pretty obvious that Huffy in no way wants you to get the wrong idea and think of them as makers of SAFE or RELIABLE bicycles.

Here is the sad history of a once inspired and hopeful company.

Significant tragedies

In 1995 Huffy began to license Disney characters to spruce up and animate their kids bikes. That’s kind of a bummer move. It worked for Big Wheels in the early ’80s when they made a KIT or a Hulk Big Wheels, but come on, this company had some Olympic integrity a decade prior. Two years later it introduced it’s first BMX, another Johnny-Come-Lately maneuver. Huffy is like Stanley Kubrick releasing Full Metal Jacket ten years after it should have been released–CIRCA Apocalypse Now when the Academy and contemporary critics would have gave a shit. Well Huffy, how did it feel showing up to the party singing “Send Me an Angel” only to find out that Lori Loughlin and Bill Allan had bike-danced there way out of the ’80s and into shitty television?

(Bill Allan and Mathew Modine both appear in Robert Altman’s 1983 film Streamers; coincidentally, Mathew Modine went on to star as Pvt. Joker in Full Metal Jacket in 1987, one year after Bill Allan popularized and revolutionized BMX riding in Rad(1986).)

Huffy…do you believe in heaven above? Do you believe in love?

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One Response

  1. cool web site

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